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Author Topic: What is the ideal age gap for second child birth?  (Read 32459 times) Digg del.icio.us
iwini
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« on: February 05, 2012, 09:39:02 AM »

I have my first baby girl who is 29 months now.
Friends and relatives are suggesting for another now.But i think My Lil may be ignored still she need my attention.
I am confused.please suggest ,i would be great to appreciate .

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MamaOfWill
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« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2012, 09:46:56 AM »

I think girls should be 3 years old and boys should be 4 before the new baby arrives.  I would say start trying for your next sometime this year, but only if you feel ready to.

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queriquita
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« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2012, 03:49:34 PM »

this is such a personal decision and varies so much from family to family.  what your gut/heart/instinct is telling you really is your right answer.

for us, two years was the goal, and our second was born 21 months after our first.  now, we want a 3-4 year gap before considering, ideally, for another set, also born 2 years apart.  if we end up with one more or none, that's ok too.  but i will say, yes, there's a guilt about splitting time between the two, and a stress in the beginning trying to adjust at this age gap.  honestly, after the first couple months, it's been great, though, and i love seeing them play/interact.  they really love each other and i think the closeness in age will help them bond more, even though one is a girl and the other a boy. truth be told, however, i think that we all make it work, somehow, regardless of the gap, and can find pros and cons to all of the gap lengths.  so again, meditate/pray on it and go with the answer you sense is right for you and your family. :-)

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Tanikit
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« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2012, 04:50:31 PM »

My eldest was 3.5 years old when my youngest was born (just slightly older than yours would be if you were to get pregnant now) and it has been a good age gap. I wanted less time between them, but I am diabetic and have really horrible pregnancies (as in I would go comatose multiple time while pregnant and my two year old would be left unattended, or I would go low when driving and get lost) so it was better that I waited until my elder could cope with slightly less supervision than a younger baby or toddler would have needed.

Yes, it is hard splitting your attention but this will be the case no matter what age you have another - and in some ways older children may even feel the lack of attention more than younger ones as they are more used to having Mommy to themselves. The first year can be tough but as the baby gets older it generally does get easier - my two play nicely together and the elder is always looking out for her younger sibling. That being said they also still squabble and fight like any siblings.

Some of the good things about a slightly bigger age gap: my eldest was out of nappies (day and night) before the end of my pregnancy and she was also more vocal about her needs and when she needs attention, but there are pros and cons to any gap.

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Mandabplus3
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« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2012, 02:39:23 AM »

I think the perfect gap is to have the next baby when the first one can go and get themselves a drink or snack, so you can breast feed from start to finish in one sitting. Mine are two years two months and two years two months apart  yes  i knew exactly when to get the contraception sorted by then! LOL I think this is a terrific gap. Not too stressful but not too far apart to create meaningful friendships between siblings. It also gives you a one year free between school grades ( useful for repeating and grade skipping) There was only one baby capsule, one cot, one lot of nappies, one high chair.....easy!
 I have a sister 15 months older than me ( my poor mum fell pregnant while Breastfeeding) we are SOOOOO much closer than my younger sister and I 6 years younger.
I didn't notice any reduction in time spent with my eldest until my third baby came along, then my middle child missed out a bit. But she did get me all to herself ALOT during her year before school. Boy that third child tips the balance! Third children add more than one third more work!  My friends with big families all say if you are going to have three you may as well have 4 or 5, they say the workload is hardly any more. I would have 2-3 more if my husband was even a little bit helpful!

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iwini
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« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2012, 09:51:35 AM »

Thank you All for striking your sweet and painstaking memory for me.
I must pray and doing everyday with all my heart.
sometime god advice trough friends like you  all.
Really i inspired smile  and delighted by having your concerns. big grin
 

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anfinley89
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« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2012, 02:22:26 AM »

I'm having my second child and my daughter is 3 1/2 years old. I think it really depends on you and if your ready smile

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Skylark
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« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2012, 03:55:05 AM »

Ours are 18 months apart, and I would say, it was close to ideal gap. We were hoping for them to be close enough to be good friends, not to be jealous and at the same tome for the older to understand what was happening. We were really happy how it al worked out  yes

I have a few friends who have a number of kids, all within 18-24 months window, and they were saying the same. When #2 was born, his sister was big enough to understand it all, and even participate in birth. She was too young and very secure for any feelings of jealousy and it was an ideal adjustment -- we loved it! I would say, it should be either pretty close , or then wait till baby #1 can actual helper, and fill that role.

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http://livingwithkids.rocks Proud mommy of 3 early learners!
lelask
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« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2012, 10:37:31 PM »

My dd is 28 months old and I can not imagine to have another child right now  blink And with all the early teaching we are doing that would be impossible. But then we know that nothing is as bad as it looks and I am sure I would get organized somehow  LOL  We will wait for her to start preschool and my final year in university this year and then will see what happens.
I think that any gap is great and the best time would be when you are ready. I do not like when someone asks me these types of questions or suggests as I think it is private. I always answer we will have another one when we are ready. They do not ask again  laugh

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iwini
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« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2012, 06:36:32 PM »

Thank lelask smile
sometime, somewhere we have to reply the unexpected question from anybody.as it also matters for the relationship,i do relay on the experienced mothers.
But i love your comments.you are continuing the both motherhood as well as studentship.really great to hear your planning.best of luck friend.

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iwini
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« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2012, 06:49:41 PM »

thanks skylark
you made it.sometime i get tired with my only one.How you manage two children in same time,that makes me wondering.
i felt that i am middle of my brothers.the younger one is very friendly to me but not to elder brother.My elder brother is friendly to me but he doesnot want to include the youngest for many matter only saying that he is very small to understand!! we are all at 3years age gap.
recently i realized this for you.

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Skylark
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« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2012, 11:24:06 PM »

Iwini,

In my husband's family he is the oldest of 6, and all of them were born within 5 years ( there was a set of twins right in the middle), they are very close, and my husband said that when they were growing up, it was more like being in a group of friends... Of course his parents needed help with schooling and so on ( they were home schooled for a few years and then attended private school). I cant imagine having 6 so close  nowink but two is working out well -- not easy, but I would not change it for anything. Also the younger one is learning everything much faster, as he has his older sister teaching him all the time and he is participating in most of her learning activities, even if just watching or doing an easier version of the same activity.

But I also agree, that there is nothing like "perfect gap" it IS very individual, there are just too many variables and what worked for me, very well might not work for someone else. At best we can share our personal experiences!

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http://livingwithkids.rocks Proud mommy of 3 early learners!
deenamathew
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« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2014, 06:03:48 AM »

It may seem no time at all since you took down your new baby cards. But friends and family may already be asking if and when you plan to have another baby. The truth is there's no one-size-fits-all solution. It's up to you to work out what length of gap may suit your family best. You may believe that having children as close together as possible is best, and that your children will be better friends as a result. Or there may be other reasons why now seems like a good time.


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anyagujraal
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« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2015, 12:32:15 PM »

It is like two to four years. Meanwhile you will become normal after pregnancy, labor and birth.  You will be physically fit for the second child birth. And one more important thing is to prepare your first child for her new sibling. Once you done with all these , then start preparing for the second baby.

« Last Edit: May 04, 2015, 12:34:54 PM by anyagujraal » Logged
Kerrshay
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« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2018, 02:07:59 PM »

I think a two age gap between both children is suitable and easier to deal with on the body and almost emotionally.

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